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January 13, 2026
Wanting to be understood is completely normal. Especially for ADHD women. But there’s a moment where that need quietly shifts, and suddenly we’re not trying to connect anymore. We’re trying to survive.
In this episode, let’s talk about why feeling misunderstood doesn’t just feel uncomfortable. It can feel unsafe. When that happens, the nervous system takes over. The brain speeds up. We explain more. We repeat ourselves. Not because we’re trying to win an argument, but because our body is trying to prevent rejection. We explore how rejection sensitive dysphoria, a reactive amygdala, and years of being misread wire ADHD brains to overexplain as a form of self protection.
Let’s unpack why overexplaining is not a communication problem, it’s a nervous system response. We explore rejection sensitive dysphoria, the empathy gap, and why saying more often creates more distance, not more understanding. We also talk about the shift that changes everything: moving from chasing understanding to choosing safety, and how to protect your energy without shrinking, defending, or disappearing.
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“When your body thinks it isn’t safe, your brain speeds up and you start defending yourself even when no one is attacking.”
- Tracy Otsuka
“Saying more usually doesn’t create understanding. It creates overwhelm, and things get worse instead of better.”
- Tracy Otsuka
“Understanding is a two-person job. Explaining only works if the other person is capable of hearing you.”
-- Tracy Otsuka
"When someone is emotionally dysregulated, their brain can’t access empathy. The thinking part shuts down and the survival part takes over."
-- Tracy Otsuka
"Stop chasing understanding and start chasing safety. Understanding means they get your logic. Safety means they care how you feel."
- Tracy Otsuka
"Instead of adding more words, ask: do they need more information right now, or do I just need to feel okay?"
- Tracy Otsuka
"Nothing bad happens when you don’t explain everything."
- Tracy Otsuka
- Tracy opens with a story about an ADHD woman shutting down after social overload and trying to explain it to her extroverted husband.
- She explains how the need to be understood can shift from connection into control once the nervous system takes over.
- A key reframe: asking whether the goal is helping someone understand, or helping the body feel safe.
[08:00 - 15:00] RSD, Empathy Gaps, and Why Words Stop Landing
- Tracy connects overexplaining to rejection-sensitive dysphoria and a nervous system trained by years of being misread.
- She explains the empathy gap: when someone is dysregulated, their brain cannot access curiosity or empathy in that moment.
- She emphasizes that “saying more” often creates overwhelm, escalating conflict instead of creating understanding.
[15:00 - 26:00] Simple Tools to Say Less and Protect Your Energy
- Tracy shares three practical strategies: use metaphors, own needs without shrinking, and set clear boundaries without justification.
- She offers a real-time interrupt: pause and ask whether more information is needed, or if it is actually a regulation moment.
- The episode closes with an “energy audit” on overexplaining as ADHD emotional labor and choosing safer environments instead.
ADHD isn’t a productivity problem. It’s an identity problem.
That’s why most strategies don’t stick—they weren’t designed for how your brain actually works. Your ADHD Brain is A-OK Academy is different. It’s a patented, science-backed coaching program that helps you stop fighting your brain and start building a life that fits. 👉Learn more here
- Website: tracyotsuka.com
- Instagram: instagram.com/tracyotsuka
- YouTube: @tracyotsuka4796
- FREE 3-days to Fall in Love With Your ADHD Brain training on Jan 6th: tracyotsuka.com/ilovemybrain
- Tired of ADHD strategies that don’t work? Here’s what actually does. FREE training here: programs.tracyotsuka.com