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July 28
Sometimes the biggest breakthrough comes from dropping the mask and reclaiming your story after decades of living someone else's version of your life. Dr. Shafer Stedron knows this journey intimately.
Dr. Shafer is a neurologist, life coach, author, and host of Talks with Dr. Shafer. Drawing from both clinical expertise and lived experience, she helps others reframe their stories with creativity, compassion, and courage. Her work explores the intersections of burnout, movement, and emotional regulation, plus why traditional systems often fail ADHD minds.
In this conversation, Dr. Shafer and Tracy dive into the reality of being neurodivergent in medicine—from the 2016 study showing 34% of medical students with disabilities have ADHD, to why doctors with ADHD often catch things others miss (hello, pattern recognition and environmental scanning). They explore Shafer's journey from a 19-year-old who said yes to marriage after two weeks, through decades of domestic abuse, to finally learning to listen to her "harm alarm" and reclaim her story.
Dr. Shafer also shares her approach to helping people drop the mask and create what she calls a "bubble sheet"—not a linear trajectory, but a sheet covered with all your goals and interests, because that's who you are as a person. Plus, she breaks down her children's book The Boy and His Brightly Colored Blocks, which explores pathological demand avoidance and why connection beats correction every time.
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"People with ADHD are often scanning the environment, attending to 100 things going on, while everyone else attends to one thing."
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
"When you realize you're on the wrong train and missed your station, get off at the first safe place. It's never too late to get back to yourself because you deserve that."
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
"Healing only begins when you start to understand your triggers, your wiring. What are the skills I have right now to help me re-regulate my nervous system when there's not an actual threat?"
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
"Instead of feeling shame when my attention went off to write music, I leaned into it. I saw this bubble sheet that said, 'That's not a distraction, that's who you are.'"
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
"We don't need to teach our children to obey. We need to teach them how to make good, safe choices for themselves because we're not going to always be there."
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
"Drop the mask, make the bubble sheet. Cover it with your goals—all of them. That's who you are as a person."
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
"We're not coming here with sorry energy. We're coming here with starry energy. If you approach life that way, that's going to put you on the right path."
- Dr. Shafer Stedron
- ADHD often runs in families, with parents recognizing traits when taking children for diagnosis. 34% of medical students with known disabilities have ADHD according to 2016 study.
- Shafer's journey from almost being held back in kindergarten for hyperfocusing on creative activities to becoming a recording artist, then shifting to academic hyperfocus after her father questioned her intelligence.
- ADHD traits can be advantageous in medicine—like noticing environmental details others miss—while creating challenges with sustained attention and stress performance.
- Shafer details her journey from impulsive marriage at 19 to decades of domestic abuse, explaining how ADHD traits led to staying in dangerous situations longer.
- She describes healing by tackling PTSD first to understand triggers and nervous system regulation, then creating a "bubble sheet" of authentic goals rather than fitting societal boxes.
- Dropping the mask and embracing all parts of herself—music, medicine, writing—became transformative for building an aligned life free from shame.
[00:50:00 - 01:05:00] Children's Book and Pathological Demand Avoidance
- Shafer's book "The Boy and His Brightly Colored Blocks" addresses pathological demand avoidance (PDA)—where children see requests as threats to autonomy.
- The book emphasizes "connection over correction," showing parents how to avoid power struggles and gift children opportunities to practice autonomy.
- Her ADHD advice: drop mask and shame, create "bubble sheet" of authentic goals, acknowledge daily progress, approach life with "starry energy" not "sorry energy."
ADHD isn’t a productivity problem. It’s an identity problem.
That’s why most strategies don’t stick—they weren’t designed for how your brain actually works. Your ADHD Brain is A-OK Academy is different. It’s a patented, science-backed coaching program that helps you stop fighting your brain and start building a life that fits. 👉Learn more here
- Website: www.drshaferstedronova.com
- Instagram: talks_with_dr_shafer
- Linkedin: Dr. Shafer Stedron
- Youtube: @TalkswithDrShafer
