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October 13, 2025
Nicole Bela was brilliant at her job. She could read a room in seconds, remember every donor’s story, and raise millions for causes she believed in. But behind the polished professionalism, she was quietly unraveling. The same systems designed to do good were slowly breaking her down, and she couldn’t understand why.
After being diagnosed with ADHD at 37, just after the birth of her second son, Nicole finally had the missing piece. Suddenly, the patterns made sense: the anxiety that exercise once kept in check, the brain fog after Zoom meetings, the guilt of forgetting critical details while remembering someone’s cat’s name. What began as relief quickly turned into a mission. Nicole wrote a groundbreaking article for the Association of Fundraising Professionals, “Unmasking Burnout,” connecting the dots between masking, mental health, and why so many fundraisers, especially women, are burning out.
In this conversation, Nicole and Tracy unpack why the nonprofit world may be full of undiagnosed neurodivergent professionals, how the pandemic exposed the cracks in traditional workplace culture, and what leaders can do to build real belonging. Nicole also shares how unmasking her ADHD changed the way she leads, works, and parents proving that inclusion starts when we stop pretending and start asking what people truly need to thrive.
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“I didn’t realize how much I needed movement to regulate my brain until I couldn’t do it anymore.”
- Nicole Bela
“I thought I could fix my ADHD like everything else in my life. It took me a while to realize you can’t fix it, you have to understand it.”
- Nicole Bela
“Leaders need to lead by example. It’s not enough to say, ‘You can talk about this.’ You have to show it’s safe.”
-- Nicole Bela
"When you’re masking to fit into workplace norms—don't interrupt, don't talk too much, don't take up too much space—it eats away at you because you can't be authentic to who you are."
-- Nicole Bela
"We are not superheroes. We can’t do everything. And we shouldn’t have to hide what makes us different just to keep up."
- Nicole Bela
"It’s not about doing things the ‘best’ way. It’s about knowing what works best for you so you can deliver."
-- Nicole Bela
"When we create neuro-inclusive spaces where people can say ‘this is how I work best’, everyone succeeds."
-- Nicole Bela
- Nicole was diagnosed with ADHD at 37 after her second son's birth when she realized her struggles were beyond typical postpartum challenges, including increased anxiety, forgetting things, and difficulty staying organized.
- She had suspected ADHD over a decade earlier and brought it up to a therapist, but was dismissed as having only generalized anxiety, reflecting how women's ADHD symptoms are often overlooked by healthcare providers.
- Nicole managed undiagnosed ADHD for years through running (three marathons, eleven half marathons) and swimming, unknowingly using exercise to regulate her nervous system before motherhood made maintaining that routine impossible.
- After diagnosis, Nicole tried to "fix everything at the same time" like Super Mom, hiding her ADHD from her boss for a year while convincing herself she could be perfect in all areas until literally falling down the stairs became her wake-up call.
- She wrote "Unmasking Burnout" for AFP Global to argue that neurodiversity must be included in fundraising's mental health conversations, theorizing that injustice sensitivity draws many neurodiverse people to the nonprofit sector.
- Nicole experienced profound relief after unmasking at work, finding she could finally advocate for her needs like meeting times that work with her energy levels and explain struggles without shame disguised as rudeness.
[00:48:00 - 01:20:24] Virtual Work Challenges and Creating Neuro-Inclusive Spaces
- Nicole discovered she struggles significantly more on Zoom than in person, realizing during the pandemic she'd "lost a sixth sense"—her ability to read the room, gauge when people finish speaking, and connect through energy.
- She advocates for leaders to create neuro-inclusive spaces by changing job description language from "attention to detail" to asking candidates what systems help them succeed and encouraging open communication about needs.
- Nicole emphasizes the current political climate's devastating impact on nonprofits, noting organizations are cutting fundraising staff exactly when they need them most, while governmental funding cuts cannot be replaced by private donations alone.
ADHD isn’t a productivity problem. It’s an identity problem.
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